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madgirlthoughts

New Year. Same Old Me.

Let’s talk new year’s.


It’s officially the end of the first week of 2023. I guess it’s supposed to be a time to reflect on what’s gone by but also look ahead to what’s approaching.


In all honesty, I avoid intentionally looking back on things as much as possible. I’m in a constant war with my own brain chemistry and one of the opposing sides main forms of attack is weaponizing my memories against me. So I’ve always tried to not look back on or live in the past too much.


But times change and so must I.


To put it in a more grand context, if you don’t learn from history, you are doomed to repeat it. Now be that on a global scale or just trying to remember not to order that meal that gave you the sh*ts next time you’re in Weatherspoons – it is a valid and very real concept.


You can’t change what’s been and gone. But we live and we learn.


So, I have started small. I’m not going to dive in straight away and start trying to find divine inspiration in my (insert sparkly emojis here) TRaUma just yet.


If you’re going to start somewhere, why not start with the good bits. Start with the history that you want to repeat.


2022. I think we can all agree that by and large? Another absolute sh*t show, just a different shade of turd.


But… to quote my favourite two hearted alien:


“Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t necessarily soften the bad things but vice versa the bad things don’t have to spoil the good things, or make them unimportant.”

So, hold on to the good things. When the world around you is a garbage fire inside a bigger garbage fire, it is perfectly acceptable to cling to those good things like the last lifejacket on the titanic.


(I’ll never let go Jack, I’ll never let go.)


In 2022 I saw two of my favourite people get married and four more get engaged. True, one of them is a boy who I used to force to play fairy princess dress up, and him having a FIANCE is slightly weird but nevertheless: HAPPY!


I got my autism diagnosis. An indescribable weight lifted from some very tired shoulders. See prior posts for more on that.


I (somewhat) successfully navigated my first year of university and not living at home. Of course I have compensated for this by being an even more ever-irritating presence in my parents lives via text and video call.


I read 49 books! (Not counting the ones I dragged myself through for uni modules). There will be more on this point in future posts so don’t adjust that dial folks!


My family plus my brothers girlfriend took part in an escape room and not only did we complete it with the second fastest time of the week – NO ONE DIED AND NO RELATIONSHIPS WERE RUINED BEYOND REPAIR! (Thank you, Rick and Vicki, for sparking a new expensive hobby 😉)


A Christmas miracle indeed.


See? Good things.


So we’ve looked back and now we must turn the other way.


A whole new year full of endless opportunities to live la vida loca (I watched Shrek 2 earlier. RIP Big Gingie. If you don’t understand that reference, I regret to inform you that your friendship has been terminated.)


I’ve never been big on resolutions. Mostly because, like most of the population – I suck at sticking to them.


But I have a new reading goal that I’m already five books nearer to completing. I am packing my year full of things to look forward to. And I guess I’ll do my best and just keep swimming.


Who knew a memory-challenged blue fish would give such good advice?


Just keep swimming little fishies. There are more oceans to see.


What I’m trying to say is that you are under no obligation to set crazy goals or even non-crazy goals. You don’t have to commit to anything. If you want to buy three new day planners, join every club at the gym and sign up for a charity sky dive, then you go ahead and do that! I will sit on the sidelines and support you all the way.


But it’s also fine to do what I’m doing; just keep swimming and take it as it comes. At least you know you wont be alone as we plod along the next 12 months.


New year. Same old me.


And that’s okay.

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